With all due respect to the magnified look into sexual politics, we respectfully assembled— with honorable intentions— a ranking of season two’s The White Lotus characters by chaos. If you haven’t finished the season, this is your second warning: SPOILERS AHEAD— unless that’s your kink, proceed. Now, for those already checked in and ready to devour more— get into it below.
Rewatching this season in its entirety back-to-back was interesting now that I see possible clues that can help piece this enigmatic Sicilian tragedy. The satirical shenanigans continue from guests and employees at The White Lotus; last season’s sociopolitics continue only minus race and into an excursion of sexual politics set at an exclusive Sicilian resort over a week. Immersing viewers in the allure of Sicily as creator, writer, and director Mike White utilizes the surrounding beauty as the hazy backdrop to the interwoven tales. Recurring themes like lemons, ropes, starfish, and Medusa heads are intertwined and apparent as the sexual power plays. There’s a lot to get willingly lost in, especially in that recreation of Michelangelo Antonioni’s 1960 film L’Avventura starring Monica Vitti with foreshadowing parallels with Aubrey Plaza as Harper.
Nuances of the affluent and the have-nots give us more insight into each character’s idiosyncrasies in trying to find or escape their life with some emotional or physical decadence and leisure. We’ve decided to assemble a list of characters ranked by their realism in fantasy with misadventures and chaos from least to most. This is your final warning, SPOILERS AHEAD.
Rocco and Isabella (Federico Ferrante and Eleonora Romandini) are seemingly innocent at the front desk reception. Except Rocco’s a bit clueless, and Valentina reduces and continuously calls him out for being a hopeless chatty Kathy for her liking.
Valentina (Sabrina Impacciatore) is the dedicated White Lotus hotel manager married to her career as head bitch in charge or socially known online as HBIC— a more productive counterpart to the Girlboss movement. Her piercing attitude pairs well with managing the Taormina-based White Lotus resort. She expects perfection and takes no prisoners, especially from the local men. She’s too busy for life’s simple joy, such as passion, but has an impassioned vulnerability that’s quietly sensed and observed. Sharp-edged, yet through the cutting layers, we see much more than meets a judgemental eye.
Daphne Sullivan (Meghann Fahy) is the perfect formulation for a Bravo Real Housewife as a supposedly wealthy stay-at-home wife of two with no girlfriends and an attractive neanderthal husband, Cameron. The glossy filter of her life with her husband is an oxymoron of controlled chaos. Although she loves and is still hot for her husband, his thirst for philandering sparks a balance as Daphne finds herself doing what she wants when Cameron steps out of line. Daphne’s concisely self-aware and stylized, she’s not happy, but she knows she has to find moments to be happy— as self-care is crucial. Their married mind games seem to work for them as viewers see the inner workings of a twisted relationship, except the problem with achieving the look of balance, is one swift flutter can crack any structure, but she remains the most sensible. Daphne gives insight into the life behind the gated community she most likely lives in the more she shares with fellow vacation guest Harper whose guise of disgust crosses over into curiosity and interest.
Mia (Beatrice Grannò) is Lucia’s local adventure partner and best friend. She craves romance and yearns for a chance in the spotlight to showcase her ambitious talent. She has a penchant for the chaos of the 2000s with her wardrobe but Mia’s adorably charming and harmless— except toward Giuseppe and his dusty antics.
Bert Di Grasso (F. Murray Abraham), the patriarch of the Di Grasso boys’ trip. Bert is a simple man who enjoys and revels in deep-rooted Sicilian traditions, like an affinity for Francis Ford Coppola’s The Godfather and beautiful young women. The most chaotic thing about Bert is being creepy while Sicilian as he dismisses and romanticizes adultery like the good old days. The only thing lethal about Bert is his prosecco farts.
Greg Hunt (Jon Gries) is an unhappily married man after Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite seduces our girl, Tanya. Still, sadly as men often disappoint, thy homewrecker is named work— and possibly Quentin. Viewers see tiny clues and audio whisperings in Greg’s secret calls calling his wife oblivious and giving affection. All the while, Greg avoids, emotionally abuses, and gaslights his supposed lady love from season one, Tanya.
Portia (Haley Lu Richardson, not Zoey Deutch, like I kept thinking) is a small-town and recent college graduate under self-distress. She’s the undervalued and overutilized personal assistant to senora Tanya and is kept in complete disarray that mirrors their relationship. This mimics her penchant for clashing patterns through her wardrobe, brimming with micro trends as she hasn’t found who she truly is. She’s unaware, except when online, as Portia doesn’t know how to read a room or social cues and is all awkward nerves. You’d think she and Albie would’ve hit it off, except Portia’s taste and indirect vocal manifestation for having tacky taste leads her to a British immigrant Jack living decadently with his “uncle” Quentin— this has ragtag conmen opportunist written all over the duo for me. No shade toward Jack and his Love Island Essex accent, but his overall demeanor has fireworks over red flags. Portia needs an Eat. Pray. Love. moment but much smarter.
Lucia (Simona Tabasco) is a Sicilian local who frequents the White Lotus resort searching for work and opportunity amongst the hotel’s wealthy clientele. She’s as mysterious as she allows and obliges to the realities of the world. Lucia dreams of the lifestyles of the rich and affluently ignorant with endless champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Still, the party’s only ever half as fun as the drugs allow until the morning air clears the haze of her suspicious ties with local cohorts. Sleeping with Dominic, continuing an understanding with Albie, as Albie is blissfully unaware that some women willingly work the system and shouldn’t be on pedestals— this spindly web is like a foretold Greek tragedy.
Albie Di Grasso (Adam DiMarco) is too aware in trying to come off as a ‘nice guy,’ he doesn’t realize he’s sexually repressed a desire so much to avoid turning into his patriarchal lineage of discarding and disrespecting women. Morals and healthy support for feminism allow him to know much more than his Nonno, Bert, and father, Dominic, yet he doesn’t know how to be more self-assured in his energy around women. Too scared to stand so close to or nervously asking for a kiss is palpable and takes away the immersive theatricality from the surrounding Sicilian dreaminess— make a move, kid, as assuredly as breaking down the patriarchal misogyny of The Godfather towards his dad and Nonno, “men love The Godfather because they feel emasculated by modern society.” As the series continues, sweetness and confidence are a mesmeric combo with local Lucia and her soul-opening possibilities. Is Lucia as helpless as she portrays, or is she playing Albie like a fool? Only tonight will tell if Albie learns the hard way that some women like to watch the world burn too. Perhaps causing Albie to go incel frenzy, Joker style.
Dominic Di Grasso (Michael Imperioli) is a feminist that supports and promotes women. We jest, but Dom is a successful second-generation Di Grasso and works as a Hollywood exec in Los Angeles. He’s dashingly handsome, but Dominic adhering to embarrassing his wife and using women makes him a cliched dolt. Questionable ways and questionable taste in jewelry from Pancrazi; my guy is an absolute mess. No slight to Imperioli, who’ve we been crushing on since those eyebrows appeared in King Scorsese’s Goodfellas for us. Still, he’s just a mixed-up guy who wants passion and emotional connection but would rather relish in his self-sabotage ways. Whether hidden or raggedly in plain sight, cheating is a betrayal and disappointment all around despite what Nonno Di Grasso suggests— or there’s an unhealthy but respected grasp like fellow White Lotus guest Daphne. The sexual power plays seem like there’s more to tell, as Dominic doesn’t seem overall threatening. Still, he’s a broken man going through something overtaking his thoughts with guilt and inner shame as he confronts his father over not teaching him how to love and respect women vs. their self-important needs, not knowing that he’s already doing better intergenerationally by confronting those demons. A Di Grasso breaking point seems imminent.
Jack (Leo Woodall), the baby-faced expat without manners, looks like that one One Direction member who isn’t Zayn or Harry. He has Himbo potential, but anything ambitious beyond Palermo dissipates. Portia should have left him as a one-and-done night of Sicilian passion and whether it’s intuition, but this dude has sad eyes, a broken soul, and trouble written all over him. He shows no remorse or signs of respect. Yet, for whatever reason, Portia’s hypnotized by the wannabe casanova trying to escape himself by hedonism. Get your shit together, Ms. girl, Portia.
Quentin (Tom Hollander) will not be ignored. Disdain is masked under the chic talk of platitudes and a charming posh accent. Quentin has it all on the outside— an inherited Palermo palazzo property with a lavish pool and expensive upkeep extending beyond staff and agriculture. If Greg truly had a last-minute work commitment, something tells me that Quentin is using this as an opportunity to scope out the competition, which is Tanya. His retelling of falling in love with a straight cowboy back in Montana decades earlier as she finds a framed photo of a man who appears like a young Greg in cowboy hats. This dude has Mr. Ripley written all over him as he whisked Tanya, and Portia, away from The White Lotus under a ruse of a night out at the Opera (Madama Butterfly) and other constant temptations of delight. Encouraging her to party and divulge her inner repressed Goddess, he pushes her to cheat on her MIA husband with a “notoriously well-hung” Italian man. This is a possible crucial clue, as Greg complained about their prenup episodes before. Strong allusions to Portia and Tanya getting conned with a similar ending to Tanya’s father seem likely.
Tanya McQuoid
-HuntCameron Sullivan (Theo James) is a self-assumed ‘alpha male’ that believes in cancel culture and finance crimes. An admirer of disposable fast-living and the type that listens to podcasts of alienated males that ‘fall victim to feminists’ and how men are wrongfully accused/targeted or whatever performative narrative for ads being sold as podcasters cash in on men looking for ‘wise’ counsel— he’s as toxic nouveau riche asshole as you can get. Fiscally conservative, Cameron lusts after greed with a brutish love for the ‘bro code’ and a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy for cheating. While Cameron participates in the wannabe elite class by keeping up appearances as he keeps reminding everyone that he’s rich and yet hasn’t shown his work in class. Where are the receipts— we see Daphne has her finances ready. Still, as she divulged, Cameron works with a triad of bad guys, like “Bernie Madoff monsters.” So when you’re the worst types of powerful, wealthy men that think they can have whatever they desire— karma is slow but humbling. His liking for inside trading makes circumstantial sense as he still gives Lucia the runaround.
Harper Spiller (Aubrey Plaza), a socially aware employment lawyer with utter displeasure for her husband Ethan’s college roommate, Cameron, and his wife, Daphne, despite their invitation to The White Lotus. Harper is a fellow sharp-edged human with perceived inflexibility and is hot for her man, who barely acknowledges her attempts. She’s sent spiraling after finding circumstantial evidence of cheating from her sexless marriage, leaving Ethan with every opportunity to explain. Overthinking and second-guessing herself, Harper is continuously pushed toward the very type of guy she loathes, Cameron, who increasingly gives her unwarranted advances. The dude isn’t subtle as time passes, and as Harper continues to be shut out by Ethan— emotionally and physically— she starts being more relaxed around Cameron. If only Ethan could’ve properly communicated with his wife by sharing how he feels and what truly happened without excluding important bits of intel as he did. Avoiding the problem to avoid a snowball effect only worsens it. Ethan’s intention wasn’t malicious, but his detachment and lack of interest don’t offer or help comfort Harper as he procrastinates in telling her any details. Questions, confessions, and resentments come out during a trip to a winery, and Ethan finally drags Cameron for his memetic desire. Cameron further proves his point by enticing Harper as she’s disrespecting Ethan and his affinity for porn over real sex at the dinner table. Either way, Harper is having a crisis in Sicily.
Ethan Spiller (Will Sharpe) is newly wealthy after finding professional success; he’s a seemingly gentle guy that keeps to himself. A quiet but brooding mayhem lurks behind his composure as keeping secrets eventually reach a boiling point. His insecurity is evident, and he’s been second-best to Cameron in college; Ethan wants to quietly show off to the one jerk he’s always known. Understood, but Ethan has lost the plot and is way over his head, and his growing paranoia and jealous possessiveness shouldn’t be such a perceptible premonition.
I guess that since multiple people allegedly will kick the bucket, Ethan attacks Cameron in a fit of rage, consumed by his paranoia and insecurities that he drowns him or vice versa— or possibly Harper for a plot twist. Hopefully not, as that may be obvious unless the twist is somehow Harper drowns Ethan or Cameron (both?), leaving her and Daphne to be hot rich widows. Or is Daphne not as innocent as she seems? Her knowledge and time viewing True Crime or using playful but violent forms of expression didn’t go unnoticed.
Another guess is that the Di Grasso family will be involved in a complicated situation with Lucia and the Omar Apollo looking local, except it may be misdirection. Since there’s still the love pentagon that is Portia, Jack, Quentin, Greg, and Tanya with the alluded Madame Butterfly. Chekov’s gun has yet to go off unless it’s a clever red herring, but something ominous is headed their way. I hope Tanya serves her best damsel in distress performance after she somehow gets revenge on the men plotting on her because underneath that palatial elegance is something sinister and somber are our speculative theories. We hope to be right and wrong.
Required viewing, Monica Vitti’s search for the meaning of life is similar to The White Lotus as it centers around women.
Exactly.
Portia’s tacky taste is broken down in this fantastic Harpers Bazaar article.
We’ve enjoyed our stay at The White Lotus; it’s been a nice visual escape from the ongoing holiday season. We can’t wait for the next trip and perhaps manifest Lisa Kudrow as a fellow elite guest that wears expensive caftans and layers of expensive jewelry and is somehow connected to Jennifer Coolidge— should she return as Tanya McQuoid-Hunt. Kudrow could offer some much-needed platonic love in sisterhood, as the duo can turn heads around town while being lovely and chic. There’s plenty of time until the next visit; we’ll be ready to watch the drama messily unfold.
Con Amor,
Naomi x