The Misadventures & Perils of Dating
My Year of Living 'Selfishly' and the Cold Brew Evening Pick-Me-Up
The Pop Culture Cold Brew is a collection of pop culture adjacency news that’s sincerely piqued our interest with frivolous diversions during these wildly unprecedented times— only without the celebrity worship culture. The Cold Brew also comes with a side of candor in critique pieces on pop culture and societal mores; get into it below.
Repression is a powerful and go-to defense mechanism. Our mind goes into overdrive to keep certain remembrances out of our memory eye line until we’re flooded with reminders at an alarming and rather intrusive rate that overwhelms us all again. As if we’re reliving it or re-experiences in some way. Still, knowing better and letting go of control is like finding a secret path that skews away from what we know. The only evidence is the retrospection of leaving a trail of warning signs that scintillate explosively as flare guns behind us.
I saw the power dynamics and imbalances in relationships early on with the adults in my life. Expectations vs. reality is an acidic pill; we think if relationships aren’t effortless, they’re deigned to be highly messy or complicated; therefore, it’s high maintenance and in need of an escape route. The emotional capability of living can be overwhelming, let alone simultaneously with someone special in our lives. Dating and relationships prove to be challenging yet laboriously worth it once you find someone you connect with that changes you for the better. My past is littered with memories of adults with physical and emotional escape routes, and I vowed never to put myself in a situation to relive such hurt and turmoil that shaped yet haunted my past— much less play a role in it.
Being at the said crossroads for some time now, I’ve learned that the inability to understand the changing tides of ranging emotions isn’t a reflection of our worth or anything to do with us. Dating is hard enough, but I refuse to waste time on people with arrested emotional development— or for those who think I’m emotionally too much or asking too much. Asking someone to settle because they did isn’t the take anyone should hear, nor will it shift me. Realizing when you’re at a crossroads of knowing when to move on or understandingly believing in your worth can seem like a mirage with hidden options and misunderstandings at every turn.
Contrarily, I’d rather be someone’s too much than staying involved in something that questions my worth or breaks me down because they can’t handle or process the required emotional work that’s a prerequisite for all relationships. Knowing and discovering red flags early on has been helpful; when people show us who they are time after time, believe them— not their perceived representative.
Similarly, I’ve learned I’ve managed to love wrong, as many others have. Overextending ourselves thinking it’ll sway someone who also struggles with emotional intelligence never pans out how we expect or overthink— coming from someone who struggled with emotional awareness in relationships, I’ve learned many exhausting lessons.
Unfortunately, it took some time for me to unlearn this unhealthy behavior and believe in new possibilities, such as embracing my repressive and inner romanticism in this cynical modern day. I rather keep supporting and romanticizing friends (even mutuals online, the talent is beyond) in their deserved accolades or special moments by staying present and taking annoying pictures of my surroundings that I smile at later yet never post online. Considering how little memory— even pictures, I have of last year. I no longer deny those beloved moments or shame myself for taking cringe pictures of food or whatever silly thing brings a semblance of joy.
Fortunately and ironically, the pain we endure is often a medicinal catalyst for change, and discerning what’s for us is the gift of emotional growth. I experienced emotional instability growing up as my immigrant parents struggled to assimilate with plenty of financial adversities. I was the quiet, shy kid that was “mature for her age” and would get miscast as stuck-up or self-important by peers rather than noticing a wallflower that doesn’t like to be noticed— until I decide. Meanwhile, I used being overlooked to my stealthy advantage as I’d casually observe those around me while enduring endless opportunities of responsibilities that helped mold who I am. Recognizing my parents tried their best, they continue to try and evolve, not to absolve their past. Still, I use being parentified as a child to help me realize what I’ll allow, tolerate, and never put up with again.
The egalitarian relationship I desire as an adult over the emotional immaturity that clouded my past is that of an equal give and take with healthy boundaries over projected expectations, ego, hierarchies, or competitiveness. Not because of desirabilities or societal traditions. Expecting to be respected for knowing my worth isn’t emotionally high maintenance nor delusional to want to be valued as a person who should be treated as treasure gold— mutually.
I don’t doubt that my heart will belong alongside someone deserving and vice versa. Regardless of my dating indifference, I’m not actively looking to date, yet I’m not giving up on finding a worthy love. However, before being anyone else’s— I belong to myself. My heart is mine, and in my year of selfish living after such uncertainty, I don’t apologize. I feel more hopeful than before; despite loathing the dating scene and shying away from dating apps, I opt for the classic and elusive meet-cute (on or offline) since being courageous and true with the heart is scarce. Despite the momentary cringe, taking a chance at love and an attempt towards happiness is brave. As Oscar Wilde said it best, to live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
Pop culture moments are inevitable whether we engage; celebrity speculation is a full-fledged spectator sport to us, regular folks, with mindless pop culture nonsense— escapism is well-deserved. Here’s the pop culture round-up we can’t get away from— or enough of, seemingly.
My favorite nepo baby, the eternally private and cool Sofia Coppola, has joined Instagram. Coppola has already teased her upcoming project, Priscilla, by none other than sharing glimpses into her inspiration for her interpretation of Priscilla Presley’s New York Times Bestseller Elvis and Me. Of course, I’m already following.
Legendary screen Diosa, Angela Lansbury’s final role along with Stephen Sondheim, is a rumored cameo in Rian Johnson’s Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, simply what she deserves as a whodunit icon.
Olivia Wilde continues into puff-piece territory with her latest Variety interview. Wilde sounds off about the surrounding media firestorm that enclosed her film, Don’t Worry Darling. Bless her heart; Darling must have forgotten her interview with Vogue Magazine last December, where she built up a scene for audiences to “realize how rarely they see female hunger, and specifically this type of female pleasure.” Then again, and again, to Variety. With the film finally out, it seems like Wilde now joins leading lady Florence Pugh’s sentiments from back in August, as Pugh shadily hit back with, “when it’s reduced to your sex scenes, or to watch the most famous man in the world go down on someone, it’s not why we do it. It’s not why I’m in this industry.”
Image is a currency in Hollywood, and the fierce protection for protecting a name or brand image rather than improving as a person is swift. So whenever the facade starts to peel and strip away, we’re left with self-imposed big shots with a delicate insecure ego that’s usually on parade in politics. Or cleverly hidden among revered celebrities.
Brad Pitt’s PR/crisis management is working at Kris Jenner’s speed with all the media-friendly pieces to control a DARVO narrative away from the FBI report. Now his latest is,
moving money,making money moves by looking for buyers or investors for Plan B Productions via Variety. We can only speculate that Pitt’shiding assetssmartly shuffling money for lengthy and costly court costs.Restauranter Keith McNally reportedly banned insufferable James Corden from NY’s Balthazar restaurant after acting like a brat, not the grand host he represents. While fences have since been
boughtmended, Corden has an archival history of berating and dehumanizing people, especially service staff and employees. Ellen Degeneres is probably giddy reading someone taking over the reins of cruelty for a bit— celebrities are like us, to an extent, which is fascinating to most. However, anyone with an entitled and dehumanizing attitude toward employees is vile and monstrous behavior. I wonder if James Corden will be bold enough to dine at Balthazar again or if he’ll be set off by egg yolk omelets elsewhere— if so, it smells of an upcoming image rebrand or photo op with his final year of The Late Late Show. Still, hopefully, this is the beginning of the end of hearing his voice in literally anything.In other weird food news adjacent to annoying celebrities, Olivia Wilde, Jason Sudeikis, and their former nanny news have been captivating for reasons against my will. The inescapable news of allegations via trustworthy The Daily Mail is that indiscretions make us imperfect humans. For instance, the foul reaction towards glazing over Jason Sudeikis’ emotional abuse over some surely basic mystery salad dressing is wild. While no one handles breakups properly, the insecurity and manipulation aren’t healthy. I don’t judge the former nanny with texts that messily connect supposed dots of her account. Additionally, I don’t judge Wilde for imperfectly handling her business, but I will judge Wilde for certain Booksmart and DWD choices.
Frankly, Darling— I’m still worried, and it’s not about the salad dressing— which turns out to be from Nora Ephron’s Heartburn. Ironically and maybe ill-fatedly, Heartburn reflects Ephron’s then-marriage to Carl Bernstein as the wife pledges to gatekeep a family secret vinaigrette recipe to a philandering husband. With the highest respect towards the great Nora Ephron, it’s just a standard homemade dressing with a side of speculation.
Mix 2 tablespoons of Grey Poupon mustard with 2 tablespoons of good red wine vinegar. Then, whisking constantly with a fork, slowly add 6 tablespoons olive oil until the vinaigrette is thick and creamy; this makes a very strong vinaigrette that’s perfect for salad greens like arugula and watercress and endive.
This week has been a fun dive back into working towards reviewing again. With so much incredible talent and new music, I’m keen to sort through some of those musical treats. Still rusty, my glacial speed has morphed into sloth or unmovable territory that I will sort through— the playlists or my love for them aren’t going anywhere.
Con Amor,
Naomi x