Inner Child Healing
TGIF Lineup Includes: An Inner Child Journey with Accompanying Film List and an Homage to TBS' Dinner & a Movie
Youthquake is a nostalgic biweekly newsletter of the pop culture elite (past & present).
The TGIF Post varies from New Music Friday releases, Retro Fixation, film reviews, The Audio Files, and so much more in pop culture adjacency. We’re happy to have you; get into it below.
As my retrospective year continues, the ashes of my scorched longtime friendships have dissipated, and the belated phoenix finally has a renewal. Figuratively, of course. Adding cognitive therapy to my arsenal precisely one year ago has been incredibly beneficial to my mental health journey, now one month into including meditation has been thought-provoking and liberating. Being already self-aware of the emotional shortcomings in certain areas, I specifically learned that my continual lessons revolving around my anxiety always seemed to get the best of me, especially last year. While reducing it to my zodiac or mental health on Twitter is my flippant way to dust my shoulders and find a soothing way to laugh through it, now that I know how to cope in better ways.
Before cognitive therapy was just an emotional spiral of self-sabotaging, willingly overwhelming myself with a lack of boundaries is clear to me in retrospect of my past self.
Naturally, my immigrant parents were strict, overprotective, and religiously conditioned to believe in Christianity and a warped sense of conservatism of blind ignorance like being sold on the “American Dream.” A belief that working hard will get you rich because America is rich in options, yet that ‘rise n grind’ mentality only exploits and marginalizes. Fueled by lies from political administrations like Reagan and his admirers romanticize this Americana ideal that empowers the wealthy elites who seem untouchable. Adhering to his mangled vision of corporate greed is why he’s highly respected and glorified; it took years to educate my dad on the realism of Reagan’s anti-union atrocities, which includes ignoring the Aids epidemic. Despite our financial struggles of being “working class,” my childhood was whimsical and happy. Although, it was a home that didn’t show much love or emotions, for that matter.
My parents were loving, but they didn’t show love or affection often; now, as grandparents of five beautiful kids, they’ve completely softened to mush; it’s bittersweetly adorable to see my parents’ evolve emotionally. Nevertheless, the most unfathomable thing that happened earlier this year was confronting them on their rocky marriage— my parents are consciously uncoupled yet legally married and live together but aren’t together; this wasn’t always the case.
While most high schoolers and young adults had a party stage, I never did. My high school years were a blur, my senior year was essentially more absences than actual assignments, but I managed to catch up and graduate. I put off college until later, mostly because it wasn’t even a financial consideration (I managed alone, which I’m still paying off, your move Biden). Immediately working in retail as my evenings were spent taking care of my younger sibling and being a caretaker to my grandparents, who were going through health scares. My selfish stage of decadence began in my mid-twenties and is ongoing; having devoted so much of my time and effort wasn’t in vain, although it was challenging to accept for a long time due to my hidden resentment.
With the help and support of my three sisters, we collectively shared to our parents how badly their tumultuous marriage and individual suppression truly affected us. Hearing something that awful isn’t easy as my parents have many regrets, and all of the unpleasant confrontations helped us see our parents more clearly; their sparse expressions and lack of emotional support were because that’s what they knew.
They weren’t emotionally nurtured or supported, which caused the stunted ability to process emotions in unhealthy ways without their knowledge. Yet, it’s not as simple as blaming the parents; I had a handle or lack thereof with “facing” problems; therapy helped me see that meditation is strengthening it. Mental health matters just as much as physical health; with all the resources and health studies, we know it should be more accessible as it removes stigmas and taboos that can improve lives and communities overall.
Therapy helped me with my hidden pain and made me feel relieved; cliché as it sounds, I know it’s not for everyone. It took me years but more importantly, it helped me connect the dots to my adult self with resources to cope after impactful moments. With the help of therapy, I’ve learned how much my younger inner child was latching on to the unresolved hurt and resentment from growing up sooner than I had to. I identified with the younger part of myself that felt insignificantly small, alienated, or abandoned because of my habitual pattern of hiding from emotional confrontation. A cancer placement, hiding from her problems? Groundbreaking. In all seriousness, my inner trauma caused me to repeatedly give my power away to emotionally exploitive people without fully realizing it.
Subsequently, I can’t change who my parents were. However, I can change how they perceive me by articulating and setting boundaries instead of bottling up emotions that never seemed to get my family anywhere; or act like the indifferent and invulnerable ice queen.
In theory, it’s easier said than done. Some days my clarity is there, and others, it’s an uphill battle to stop my saboteur (anxiety/depression) from taking over my thoughts completely. Going through and sorting out my inner child with suppressed memories seemed more like a wrecking ball doing the necessary dirty work to restructure my psyche’s new and healthier foundation.
My parents were scarily similar to Ladybird’s, but with Christianity, no wonder I resonated so much with it.
As Dr. Diana Raab, author, and research psychologist, explains, “Being in touch with the joys of childhood can be an excellent way of dealing with challenging times.” Films have always been a way that helps me escape and cope, even still.
My Girl
Now & Then
Wish Upon a Star
Real Women Have Curves
Hector and the Search for Happiness
The Florida Project
A Little Princess
Uptown Girls
Rocketman
Ladybird
Matilda
📢 Major shout-out:
Thank you to reader Jasmine May for her incredible picks.
📌 For further information on Inner Child Healing, there’s a fascinating study HERE.
In homage to TBS’ Dinner and a Movie, we’re featuring our spin on it, complete with our very own theme song (which will be posted via my Instagram).
To accompany our film list, we’re having leftovers of this incredible pink sauce pizza for dinner because what’s more traditional to kids than pizza, except the challenge was to use as many vegetables as possible.
I prefer pink sauce (white sauce + red sauce) when making homemade pizzas and slightly roasted veggies with a crisp to them; it’s comforting and delicious. I’ve seen several of my Instagram mutuals post their veggie pizzas, and this is a play on all the ones I’ve seen.
Marinated zucchinis (with herbs & garlic), thinly sliced/layered
Sliced portobello mushrooms
Orange Peppers
Red onions
Spinach
🧁 Youthquake Bakes
If you’re in the LA area, look out for Apatite, a cosmically adorable collective of sweet treats. Vegan, gluten-free, and always delicious. My wildly dear friend Nat shared her recipe, and after making them with my nephew, who didn’t let me follow the recipe, we made a cookie/scone hybrid as a test. I will post our final results soon on Instagram; because this is a new forever favorite. 🍓
Hopefully, reading someone else’s navigation with mental health or the featured film list above resonates because self-discovery and whimsy are timeless. Keeping an open mind is a fantastic initial step; I highly recommend it for anyone doing the inner work or even interested in finding/healing your inner child.