Feeling Halloween
#10 Includes a Review of Netflix's MAID, Halloween Film & Playlist, and the Upcoming Winona Ryder Season
Youthquake is a newsletter with Pop Culture ∙ Commentary ∙ Critique
The Youthquake lineup varies, from New Music Friday releases, Love Letters, The Audio Files, playlists, Retro Fixation, film lists/reviews, The Style Files, and so much more in pop culture adjacency.
We rescheduled this previous TGIF post to today— post full moon to entice you with a Halloween vibe. Or, as my sisters and I have long referred to it— Winona Ryder season, in honor of one of our favorite childhood actresses.
Stephanie Land’s New York Times bestselling memoir, Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will to Survive, is an adapted limited series from Netflix— a viscerally powerful and poignant viewing experience that provides a real jarring look into the psychological invalidation of the damaging effects of emotional abuse. This specific lens casts a much-needed floodlight on a devastating loophole, the realistically heartbreaking lens of the accompanying anguish of psychological pain abusers utilize to minimize and constantly suppress someone’s thoughts or feelings.
After finding the strength to flee from an abusive relationship, Alex (Margaret Qualley) realizes her disconnectivity and alienated life as she begins anew as a single mother. Alex finds a job cleaning houses as she fights to provide for her child and build them a better future. Immediately, the limited series will be a challenging watch for some, especially for those who experienced such trauma.
After binge-watching the series at my dad’s request this weekend, it’s an absolute difficult watch since it’s like reliving the toxicity of my past that I’ve been trying to heal and manage. The series’s depiction is particularly sharp in showing the social care system and the judgments placed on single mothers and the vulnerability from leaving them with judgment and unsolicited advice— instead of a structural support system or any real help. If you’ve experienced emotional abuse or domestic violence trauma, this is a trigger warning for those not ready to relive past events. However, the portrayal of abuse is far more than just physicality; intimidation is hard to prove, but this form takes place in emotional, financial, and verbal abuse.
The alienation and extraction is a purposeful act to highlight the abuser’s importance in the survivor’s or victim’s life. Gaslighting and manipulation is a coercion tactic for reinstating the one-sided power dynamics to their favor to remind the victims that THEY’RE the ones with the power; THEY’RE the providers with a ‘safe’ and structured system. That’s the manipulative card they like to deal with; it’s their MO.
As I previously wrote in my Britney Spears piece, power is the only currency abusers demand to subject victims to psychological, physical, sexual, or financial abuse. The latter is often overlooked because the contrarian response is that you can’t prove the menacing nature or agenda, reducing it to poor money management. Still, it’s a purposeful gambit since there’s a common misconception that the working class mishandles their finances, and that’s why they’re “poor.” In reality, this couldn’t be farther from the truth since a thrifty savviness with money is adapted early on as every last cent is budgeted and accounted for since limitations exist in our lives.
The incredibly gross negligence of our broken American system doesn’t guarantee help like housing, childcare, and even health insurance. Justice isn’t served in most cases but instead our impunity for jailing as a ‘problem solver’ from pearl-clutching conservatives that adhere to a staunch pro-life stance. It often puts survivors even further at risk even when complying and doing everything right by society and the system; they’re looked down on for needing or deigning to ask about assisted programs as ‘government handouts,’ the classist stigma and shame comes with their non-help.
“I need a job to prove that I need daycare, in order to get a job? What kind of fuckery is that?” Alex (Margaret Qualley), in Netflix’s MAID.
Then there are the worst possible takes from those who choose not to understand the challenging hardships for working parents to acquire daycare services while looking down at working parents labeling them as unprofessional if they can’t find childcare services. I’ve seen it firsthand with my sisters, who’ve had to restart. I’ve been to the offices, helped fill out paperwork, and with childcare— which should be provided but isn’t. I’ve seen and heard the judgemental stares from classist snobs that look down on government programs such as SNAP and EBT while offering their judgmental and unsolicited opinions. Conversely, we should be looking inward to whom we are as a society shaming parents for struggling and trying to do right but judging them instead of allocating help. It’s almost an obstacle course of a system before help is given or fates far worse are met.
Regrettably, I’ve been in situations where I’ve stared abusers down or had to handle situations that I never should’ve been in, but this is the side of abuse that’s rarely and openly discussed because of its unpleasant nature. Abuse doesn’t respect or give a damn about civility until abusers are staring down judges and juries, and then it’s remorse and waterworks, so why should we care if unpleasant topics make others feel. Even in the ongoing pandemic, domestic violence surged— in Texas alone, homicide-related DV deaths rose to 23 percent.
The hypocrisy of the pro-life movement is evident to everyone except to the pious; seemingly, their advocacy ends when babies are born— then all blame goes to the parents, especially the mothers, for “their” choices. Abusers wear masks like real-life monsters while hiding behind charm and charisma to disengage all inklings of their inhumanity. Or for remaining while ignoring the survivors and victims pleas of fear since it’s easier to shrug off emotional abuse due to lack of visibility for evidentiary support, but emotional abuse is often a precursor to physical violence.
This dangerous loophole maximizes the importance of awareness but, most importantly, how the survivors and victims of domestic violence are slipping through the cracks of our fundamentally broken system. The very same system would rather continue to raise profits from our overpopulated prison complex than allocate resources to help survivors and parents with childcare.
Minding your own business is crucial in life, yet as we’re still in a global crisis with the ongoing pandemic, it’s important now more than ever to give a damn. There’s a collective responsibility for community care that should outweigh the uncomfortable confrontations or unpleasant situations just because we’ve been invalidated from time to time. Cycles of abuse don’t stop unless we break the toxic cycles of generational trauma— MAID magnifies the heartbreaking portrayal of psychological invalidation that abusers utilize for the victim’s distress and, above all, self-doubt and power.
Partner violence affects millions of women every year; every person deserves relationships free from domestic violence. When you’re ready, there are many ready to listen with confidential support 24/7/365. Below are some discrete resources and hotlines.
National DV Hotline, call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or Text “START” to 88788
Designed by researchers at the Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing, in collaboration with the One Love Foundation, the One Love app enables users to determine the signs of abuse, including the risk of turning abusive, the Daily Beast originally reported.
Canada’s The Way to Live is a covert site for DV survivors.
October’s one of my most favorite months; I’m that annoyingly but only inwardly cheerful “it’s fall, y’all” people. Therefore in honor of the witching season, we’ve conjured up the perfect soundtrack for the month. Youthquake playlists are constantly updated. The newest addition is a haunting standout; TikTok sensation Benson Boone’s Ghost Town perfectly fits the atmospheric vibe, so sip of a Strange Brew and listen for a spell.
For Apple Music listeners, HERE.
🎥 For an accompanying film list of ageless favorites that seems to cover various genres, no matter your horror scale, there’s something for everyone.
Coraline
It Follows
Saint Maud
Ready or Not
Wait Until Dark
I Married a Witch
Little Shop of Horrors
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Night of the Living Dead
Blood and Black Lace
The Stepford Wives
Sleepy Hollow
The Lodge
Suspiria
In Honor of Winona Ryder Season:
Heathers
Mermaids
Black Swan
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Edward Scissorhands
Alien Resurrection
Frankenweenie
Beetlejuice
The Crucible
Only ten days until Halloween, so if you’re still looking for costume inspiration, accessories, or even home decor, Disney’s Halloween line provides a range of costumes from all the fan-favorite franchises like Star Wars to Frozen for the entire family. Including pet and new adaptive costumes to help celebrate a season of happy haunts and friendly monsters for everyone.
🎃 Order by October 22nd to receive items by Halloween with standard shipping.
Friendly reminder, ONE lucky and randomly drawn ACTIVE Youthquake subscriber will win a free copy of Michaela Coel’s ‘personal manifesto’ and care package; the winner will be notified on November 6th.